I don’t know where i should begin by saying i may have insomnia illness and is gradually making me uncomfortable and weak each day. The pain of trying to go to sleep at night is frustrating and annoying at times i just can’t bear it anymore. Just maybe ! but i don’t know if i do cause i haven’t been to the doctors for awhile. Whenever i get sick i tend not to ask people for help i just keep everything to myself like all the viruses and germs i would just stay at home and “try to sleep” . Best medicine is to pray about it and drink heaps of water that’s what i have been doing but most of my life. But what i really hear is that my friends tell me to go “checkup ” or “see a doctor and let them check what’s wrong with you” i just don’t really like it you know is scary for me to face someone that i don’t know to check me up. After all the pain will always be inside me so in advance i am sorry if i am not good enough or that i am a coward or sick that i won’t even face any reality. In fact i am more terrified going to the dentist than any other help support. But just maybe i will go and ask for help one day but i don’t know when that day come i will let you know ! oops i got off -topic and should really get back to my problem.
Is so hard for me at night when you try to fall asleep and you can’t sleep and all you can do is try to tell yourself to fall asleep but to the fact i tend to get up during the night maybe 3/4am and i would get a couple of water and then go back to bed. I just hate it every time ! every night i wouldn’t able to get back to bed when u really try to close your eyes but you can’t . it just makes me wonder whats wrong with me maybe worse than insomnia or something serious ( please not cancer or something bad). I don’t know what’s wrong but i want to know the truth. Maybe is just a mind set of me not facing the reality is a good thing and if i face the truth it will scares me to the fact that i don’t know what else i can do is just to ask my close friends to pray for me about it . I know i am so bless and forever grateful for Jesus in my life. He is my rock and everything just like my mum . She is everything to me she basically take care of me and my brother while my dad ( i don’t know what to say ) he just not in my life . I am so lacking in this department of life not having a father around but i know my Father is Jesus Christ. As mention earlier He is everything he is my number 1 in life. Another fact i wrote this is about him and not because i have eyes and hands to type this note i am so bless and thankful for him to be in my life.
When i recently told my pastors or friends i have this illness they first thought i am just worried about my future/work/relationship or something which in fact or maybe the possibility is right about 80-100% . For me personally i am not that strong and quite weak don’t go to gym or exercise for weeks or even months. See what i mean i just feel bad. To make it even worse when i wake up in the morning i feel so much headache or pain . I tend to “wake up “around 9/10 am each morning cause i don’t need to go to uni anymore or work. I feel so bad when saying in fact mum alarm clock wakes me like 7 so literally i am awake but still in bed not fully awake but to the point i can’t sleep anymore which is annoying but good at the same time.
So to anyone who is facing insomnia you aren’t alone i am here for you and all the support to open up your story and personal experience. Honestly i didn’t really share much but i just want to say this illness is making me quite weak and mentally unstable from days to weeks or even months. I will see if i get better in this upcoming week at the mean time i need your prayer .